


Weird

by Rattlesnake



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Hacking, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren is Not Matt the Radar Technician, M/M, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Post-Traumatic Stress, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Voyeurism, background kylux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-10-20 02:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20667917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattlesnake/pseuds/Rattlesnake
Summary: When he felt sick to his stomach from this fear and everything went dark and cold and he needed it, needed that anchor to keep him sane…… whenever that happened, he opened his screen and started looking for him.





	1. If this world is wearing thin...

He knew this wasn’t right. He knew this was a kind of violence in its own and he hated that, but he also couldn’t help it. The truth was he didn’t know if he could survive without this.

When he woke up from his most evil nightmares, the ones in which she came for him with a knife as sharp as a razorblade and they held him down and he couldn’t move, could do nothing when the blade came closer.

Closer.

When excruciating pain wrecked his body and he woke from his own high-pitched screams, pressing his palms to his eyes that still burned like acid fire…  
When the loneliness crept up on him during endless cycles of staring at his screens and at some point it felt like a feral animal that was in his room with him, waiting to consume him, to swallow him whole. It whispered in his ear that there was no one who cared about him, that he was hideous, creepy and utterly pathetic…

When his fear overtook him so that he could not move, could not work or even craft the little wire animals that filled his room. When voices whispered to him that it might happen again. That they would come for him, cut him, torture him, take something else that belonged to him. When he felt sick to his stomach from this fear and everything went dark and cold and he needed it, needed that anchor to keep him sane…

… whenever that happened, he opened his screen and started looking for him.

He knew his schedule by heart and was almost always quick to find him. In the refectory, at his workstation, on the hangar deck or in the gym. He avoided watching him in his rooms but sometimes he needed a glimpse of him so desperately he even broke that barrier.

It was wrong what he was doing, and he was doing it to the one person he cared about with all his heart. It made him hate himself even more, but he was weak. Too weak to resist.

Tonight, he had felt the knife on his naked belly and even thought that was not the worst nightmare it still left him rattled and giddy. He needed a dose of him now and a look at his data-pad told him that his shift wasn’t over. His throat felt tight when he crept over to his console and opened one of the screens. Fingers shaking, he accessed one of the cameras on the hangar deck. Hacking into almost every system on the Finalizer had been one of the first things he had done after coming here, almost out of habit. He also knew that it was tolerated, because General Hux sometimes took advantage of his hacking skills. Still he knew he needed to be careful.

He had no luck with the first and second camera he took over. His screen showed him the scene the third was just filming and a warm shiver ran through his body.

There he was.

Techie leant back in his chair and took a deep breath. The tightness in his chest subsided, his heart stopped beating so frantically and his jaw unclenched. From the point of view of the camera he could only see blond locks and an orange coverall. Matt the Radar Technician had turned his back to him and was working on an open access panel in the wall. He was kneeling on the ground and Techie, who knew his every move by now could tell he was irritated by the way his shoulders were set.

Matt was often irritated and got into trouble a lot. Of course, he wasn’t one to back down, even if his superiors were the ones scolding him. This rebellious streak had earned him Techie’s respect, even though he was always worried about Matt. Techie was never able to stand up for himself like Matt did. He hated violence more than anything and did everything to avoid conflict. But he often wished he was more courageous and not as shy and pathetic. He knew he was more a mouse than a human being, or maybe a very small rat and he loathed himself for being so timid. Once in his life he wanted to square his shoulders like Matt did, look an opponent in the eye and tell them to fuck off.

Things didn’t seem to be going Matt’s way, because he was throwing one of his screwdrivers at the opposite wall. Techie flinched, even thought he could not hear a sound as there were no speakers in the area Matt was currently working in.

“It’s alright, Mattie”, Techie whispered, putting one hand to the screen as if Matt could hear him. “You’re doing so good.”

He had so often wished he could soothe Matt when things went bad for him. When he was riled up by other technicians who loved to see him snap, or when his jobs didn’t work out which was rather often the case. But of course, Matt must never see him. Techie was hideous and creepy and Matt would totally freak out if he knew what strange creature was watching him. Techie bit his lip when thinking about this. The noble thing would be to leave Matt alone. He was so lovely, so perfect. His blond locks, the dark eyes behind his glasses, the full lips. Techie loved every single mole on his beautiful face. And he never wanted to see Matt eyeing him like people always did, taking in his lanky limbs and bionic eyes and turning away in disgust.

He shivered. No. Matt must never see him. And luckily, he didn’t have to leave his room. It was an agreement he had come to with the general. He was allowed to stay in his room. Droids brought him food and whatever he needed, and he fulfilled all the tasks Hux assigned him without fail. The only person he ever saw was General Hux, when he wanted to talk about something in person. Techie always avoided looking at him, kept his head downcast. And Hux was calm and quiet when talking to him, never threatening or aggressive.

Matt had turned back to the wires in the wall and Techie wished he could have been able to warn him as one of his supervisors approached. It was Radley, who never left out an opportunity to run Matt down, especially in front of his fellow workers. Today they were alone but still Radley stopped right in front of Matt and started shouting at him.

Matt, true to form got up, what made him almost a head taller than Radley and started shouting back. Techie was torn between wishing he would stop and back down and wishing he would slam Radley into the wall. He knew that Radley had it in for Matt and that put the technician in a dangerous position.  
In the end he was rather glad, Matt just stormed off. He had already spent the night in a cell on the prison deck twice and it had always gotten to him. And Techie had been sick with worry both times.

Techie didn’t have to look for Matt long after he had left the hangar deck. His shift was almost over and knowing him he would not to go back to work for the last quarter of an hour.

A short while later, the camera in the gym gave him a great view of Matt lying on a bench, lifting weights. He loved watching him there, because training always calmed Matt down. It was the best way to let off steam for him.

Matt had once again increased the weight he was lifting and Techie could see the muscles in his upper arm contract. Watching a drop of sweat running down Matt’s throat, made him swallow hard. Still, he was also worried. Matt never had a sparring partner and Techie was afraid that one day he would push himself too hard and not be able to lift the weight up again. Techie leaned forward in his chair, wishing he could be there beside him, counting his lifts and making sure he was safe.

A few minutes later Matt got up and grabbed for his towel. Techie leaned back with a sigh. He knew that meant Matt would hit the showers now and he didn’t allow himself to watch him there, as much as he would have loved to. He could have, because cameras were installed almost everywhere on the ship.  
“See you soon, Matt. I hope you can sleep well”, he whispered while watching the door of the shower slide close behind Matt. He needed to get to work now, but he couldn’t get himself to switch away. Matt looked so beautiful with wet hair. If he could get one more glimpse of him that would get him through his day.  
He reached for one of his wire figures and started twisting it, his eyes still on the monitor. He frowned when a group of other technicians entered the shower. Among them were some of those who liked to harass Matt to get a reaction from him. He just hoped everything would be alright. Gnawing at his lower lip he kept watching. His eyes started to hurt as they always did and he reached for his eyedrops, hoping to see Matt get out of there any minute. He didn’t want to break his own moral code, but what if something went wrong in there?

You would not be able to do anything, a cold voice in his head told him. You can’t help him.

He poked his finger with the wire without even noticing and it started to bleed.

“Come on Matt”, he whispered. “Get out of there.”

No. This was taking too long. Something was wrong. He wasn’t doing this with voyeuristic intentions. He wanted to make sure Matt was alright.  
When he switched to the shower camera, he knew immediately that something was wrong. Three of the showers were running but he could see neither Matt nor the guys who had followed him. There was only this one camera in here and part of the room was out of sight. He could hear screams though and the unmistakable havoc of a violent fight.

“Oh no”, he whispered. “Matt.”


	2. And you're thinking of Escape

Why had Techie not realized earlier that these men were there to harm Matt? He should have anticipated the danger. But even if he had, what could he have done?

Get help, he thought. Make someone go there. He took a deep breath to clear his head and then started typing. A moment later the alarm in the shower went off and Techie’s shoulders relaxed a fraction. There was commotion in the part of the shower that was invisible to him and then Fowler appeared. He had his face covered with one hand and his nose was bleeding. Supporting himself along the walls with one hand he made his way over to the exit. The three other guys followed, looking just as battered.

Techie bit his nails, waiting for Matt to appear. Part of him wanted to run over to the showers to see if he was alright, but he knew that was a crazy idea.  
And then Matt crawled into sight. He was naked and Techie averted his eyes, but he had to see if Matt was alright. He looked a little shaky when he got to his feet and his cheek was bruised, but apart from that he seemed fine. Techie inhaled deeply and forced himself only to look at his face and not at his perfect muscular body. Matt twisted his wrist and Techie could see that his knuckles were bruised. He went over to the cubicle that held his possessions and gasped. At first Techie could not see what was wrong, because Matt blocked his view, but then he turned a little and Techie could see the remains of his glasses. They were shattered, the wire bent, the lenses broken. 

“Oh no”, Techie whispered, close to tears with sympathy. It always took a while for these kinds of devices to be fixed on the Finalizer and he could imagine how Matt must feel without them. He knew what it felt like not being able to see properly as his eyes were often infected.

Matt punched his fist against the wall and flinched. Then he grabbed a towel and slung it around his wrists, before two Stormtroopers entered the showers, drawn by the alarm. They had taken so long Techie was glad, Matt’s tormenters had been scared off already. 

Matt was questioned, ordered to get dressed and sent to his room and this time Techie allowed himself to access the camera in his room, to follow him in there, if only for a short moment he told himself. 

To his surprise Matt curled up on his bunk like a wounded bear, burying his head in his hard pillow. Techie had expected a fit of rage and this broke his heart. He bit his lip, trying to think of something -anything he could do for Matt. 

Yes, that was an idea. A little risky, but he had to do something.

It wasn’t difficult for him and a short while later, Matt’s data-pad erupted into a song Techie loved. It was called “Sound of Silence”, an ancient melody. He leaned back into his chair and smiled while he watched Matt get up and walk over to his datapad. For a few moments he stared at it and then a hint of a smile appeared on his lips. Techie knew he should leave Matt alone now, but today it was impossible to go. So, he watched Matt walk over to the wall with the air well and frowned when Matt took a screwdriver from his tool belt. What in the galaxy was he doing? Was he planning to enter that shaft? His shoulders were much too wide to even think about that.

It turned out that wasn’t what Matt had planned. When he took away the grid and whistled once, a tiny furry creature appeared. A porg, Techie realized with wide eyes. Was Matt out of his mind? No one was allowed pets on the Finalizer and porgs were seen as vermin. Did Matt not know he could be watched in his room?  
Just then Matt seemed to remember and blocked the camera’s view with his body. Techie could only guess that he was feeding the animal and stroking it softly, before he readjusted the grid.

This was dangerous. Matt could get into serious trouble for this. Techie quickly overwrote the last few minutes of video material, making it seem as if a small glitch occurred. Of course, he could get into trouble if anyone found out, but better him than Matt. Matt’s record was long enough as it was.  
At least Matt seemed to be feeling a little better now. He got out of his gym clothes, grabbed his data pad and stretched out on the bed in boxers and an undershirt. 

Oh damn, those muscles. Techie swallowed hard. Matt really was well-built. What would it feel like to let his hands wander over those bulky upper-arms, kiss Matt’s neck? Would his skin taste salty after the training or had the shower been enough to clear him of any sweat? 

Oh, hell no. Techie moved away from the screen a little, his throat suddenly dry, because Matt’s hand was gliding down his own torso now, touching himself just as Techie wished he could touch him.

What was he doing? 

No, that was a stupid question, because Techie knew perfectly well what he was doing. If the way Matt’s eye-lids drooped wasn’t an indicator, the moaning sounds from the data-pad surely were.

He needed to get out of here. Now. 

What he was doing was worse than what the other technicians had done to Matt. He would hate him forever if he knew about this and Techie already hated himself. But it was impossible to tear his eyes away. He himself was hard in his pants now and that hadn’t happened for a very long time. He hadn’t even been sure he could feel like this anymore and it was so hot and weird and wonderful, and he adored Matt so much in this moment. They were both breathing hard now and Techie’s heart beat as if it wanted to explode out of his body. 

Matt put the data pad down next to him on the bed, turning his head, so he could use both hands now to touch himself and heat rose up Techie’s spine like wildfire. He’d never seen anything this hot in his life. 

If he wanted to, he could see now what Matt was watching, but he was a little afraid, because of course it would be a man and a woman making out. There had never been any indicator in the time he was watching Matt, that he might be gay. He didn’t boast about his sexual conquests as much as the other technicians did, but that was just because he was socially a little awkward and didn’t talk much to them anyway.

Matt moaned deeply now, and Techie bit his lips when a jolt of pleasure ran through his body. No, he needed to know. Expecting the worst, he looked at the screen of the data-pad. There was a guy, tall and muscular, not unlike Matt but with long black hair. And he was kneeling, oh damn he was really kneeling in front of a much slimmer blond man who had his hands buried in the other’s dark locks. Techie pressed a hand to his groin, so aroused now it hurt. Matt was watching this and he was going to … he was going to… Matt was also groping himself through his underwear now and Techie nearly fainted.

No. With a sudden burst of willpower he hadn’t known he possessed, he hit one button and disconnected from Matt’s camera. 

He sat in his chair, panting, his heart still beating frantically. How was that possible? Was Matt really gay? What other reason could there be for him to watch gay porn?

Well, even if that was the case that did not improve Techie’s chances. With his scars and weird eyes and scrawny body, he looked nothing like the cute guy from the porn video. There was no way Matt could ever be interested in him. The thought was sobering and made him come down from his height. Still he needed a cold shower to get back to normal. 

Wow. What a start to his shift. He had lost so much time, he would have to forgo his lunch break. That didn’t matter though. He was never hungry and only ate because he had to. His thoughts wandered back to Matt, but he forbade himself to think about him like that again. He would never ever stalk Matt in his rooms again. That was evil and he admired and respected Matt too much to ever do anything like that to him again.

Instead he hacked into the ship’s optician’s records and prioritized the order for Matt’s glasses when he placed it the next day. It was heart-wrenching to see Matt try to get along without them. He had to lean low over his workspaces, which hurt his neck muscles and once again the other technicians took the opportunity to make fun of him. 

In the cycles that followed, Techie could see that Matt was getting more and more restless and irritated, resulting in his co-workers preying on him like vultures on a wounded animal. Fowler and his gang could not get over the fact that all of them together had not been enough to take Matt down in the showers. They kept picking fights with him, provoking and insulting him and there were whispers of a plan to get rid of him once and for all. Techie was sick with worry and his nightmares changed to dreadful visions of things happening to Matt. In his dreams Matt was beaten so severely by the others, he lost his eye-sight, pushed out of an air-lock, put in a holding cell for so long he went almost mad. And Techie could do nothing to help him. He had never felt this desperate in his life. Why was he such a pathetic, terrified and vile little creature? Why could he not be someone who could be of use to Matt?

He was watching him more and more often now, one of his screens almost always showing Matt from various angles. He sometimes lost him if Matt was working in areas less well supervised, but the Finalizer didn’t have a lot of places like that. General Hux liked to know everything that went on aboard his ship. Techie still refrained from following Matt into his rooms. That he had done it that one time and that he had hardly managed to click away still made his heart wrench with guilt. He did not want to be another person who did things against Matt’s will. 

So he tried to do small things for Matt, like hack the menu of the refectory to replace a meal he did not like with his favourite, making sure the water in his shower stayed warm longer than the average three minutes and cooling down his working areas if he felt hot. He wasn’t even that afraid anymore of being found out, because Matt was everything for him now. As long as Matt was alright, he didn’t care what happened to him.

But Matt wasn’t alright.

Though Techie couldn’t tell what it was he knew that Matt was getting worse and worse. He had fits of rage he couldn’t control. He destroyed things, threw his tools and banged his fists against the dura-steel until he bled. Sometimes he didn’t get up when his shift started and just stayed in his room. Or he stood under a cold shower until his skin turned red from the icy water. 

On the day it happened Techie could already tell that Matt was in one of his awful moods again from the way he was walking. It seemed as if he wanted to tear the whole ship apart. Techie had heard of Stormtroopers and technicians who had lost their mind on the ship. On Peach Tree, the space station he had been kept on as a slave before being freed by the First Order, that had also often happened to mama’s subordinates. She had never hesitated to get rid of them and Techie feared that the procedure would not be so much different here. Thinking of Matt losing his mind made his heart constrict in his chest until he was unable to breathe.

“Matt”, he whispered, staring at the screen with burning eyes. “Please take care. Don’t go there now.”

But Matt was making his way to the refectory and Techie knew that Fowler and his gang were there.

“Well, well, well, who have we here?” Fowler who had just gotten his dinner tray walked over to Matt as soon as he entered. “If it isn’t Matt, the virgin.”  
Matt hated to be called that. It wasn’t the first time and it always made him furious. Techie had no idea if it was the truth. He himself had never had sex, but he couldn’t really imagine Matt never having been with someone as good as he looked. And Techie didn’t care either way. All he cared about was the way that insult hurt Matt and riled him up. 

It was no different this time. One move and Fowler’s tray hit him in the face and cluttered to the floor. Peas rolled everywhere, Fowler staggered backwards and slipped in a puddle of Muja juice. Matt lashed out at two of his cronies that were coming at him and soon another brawl was in full swing, Matt at the centre of it. Techie shrieked, pressing both hands to his face. Of course, Matt could put up a fight, but there were so many opponents this time.

First Techie was glad when four Stormtroopers entered the refectory, effectively stunning the fighters with their guns. Then Matt was hauled off and his heart sank.

He knew where they were taking him.

Techie admired General Hux. Together with Kylo Ren he had been the one who had freed him from slavery, given him a home on the Finalizer, a room of his own where he wasn’t harassed. Techie knew that Hux was strict and expected complete obedience, but he never threatened him or tortured him. To Techie Hux was almost a god.

Still, when he stood in front of Matt now, poised as always, looking down at the technician, Techie swore that he would take terrible revenge if Hux hurt Matt in any way. Matt was tied to a chair, the straps cutting his wrists. He looked wretched.

“It has come to my attention that you are turning into a hazard for this crew and my ship, Matt”, Hux said, looming over him. “You have me worried.” His tone was icy.

“I am sorry, General”, Matt said. “I – I didn’t mean to…”

He was frightened, Techie could see that from the look in his warm brown eyes, when he gazed up at General Hux. And Techie felt just as terrified.

“Officer Radley reported that you have trouble to control yourself. I have no use for that kind of personality on my ship. Or anywhere in the First Order.”

“Yes, General. I understand.”

“Going against the orders of a superior is treachery.” Hux slowly walked up and down in front of Matt, his boots squealing on the durasteel floor.” “Do you know what happens to traitors in the First Order?”

“No”, Techie whispered, eyes wide. “You can’t do that to him.”

Matt visibly swallowed. “They are discharged.”

“Exactly.” Hux leaned in closer. “Do you want us to do that to you, Matt?”

“No.”

Techie knew what they were talking about. He had not been on the Finalizer for long, but he knew if Hux hated one thing it was people going against his orders. He didn’t hesitate to have them thrown out of an airlock. 

To Techie’s horror he now saw that Matt squared his shoulders. Was he going to make a stand against General Hux? There was no surer way to die quickly.  
“It wasn’t my fault”, Matt said and Hux frowned. 

“Are you contradicting me?” The General’s voice grew even colder.

Techie knew he had to do something to get Hux away from Matt or else this was going to end in catastrophe. He had to take drastic measures.  
Breathing deep, he started to type.

“I’m just saying I was provoked”, Matt said. “You should punish Radley or Fowler and his gang.”

Techie couldn’t help but admire Matt for his courage, even though he knew it was misplaced here. Hux’s pale face was expressionless when he looked down at Matt and Techie almost expected him to give the order to execute him right away.

Then his datapad beeped and he turned away from Matt. His perfect control wavered for a moment when he read the message. It was only visible in the way his shoulders tensed, but Techie knew him well enough by now to see he was shocked. 

Come on, he whispered. Leave Matt alone. You have other stuff to do.

Hux straightened himself and dismissed Matt with a wave, before leaving the room. Techie watched the two Stormtroopers who had brought Matt here exchange a glance, before one went over to him and loosened his bonds. “Seems like you lucked out this time”, he said. “Wonder what made him leave like that.”  
Matt staggered to his feet and Techie relaxed. Sending Hux a distress call that seemed to come from Kylo Ren who was currently on a mission, had been a good idea. Still he knew Matt was in a bad position. And Matt who slinked back to his room seemed to feel the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos and kind comments. I love this pairing. Please let me know what you think of this chapter! Any feedback is welcome.  
And thank you senema for the beta!


	3. I'll Go Anywhere With You

Techie was currently watching Matt’s door from the outside. He wanted to take a glimpse inside his room, wanted to make sure Matt was okay, but after what had happened the last time, he felt too much like an intruder. He wished he could somehow ask Matt’s permission, but of course that wasn’t possible. He left his chair and walked up and down his room, scratching at his scars without really noticing. Why did he have to be this scrawny bewildering creature? Why could he not look like a normal human being? He did not even want to be handsome, just not look like a freak. Maybe then he would be able to walk up to Matt and say something nice to him. There was nothing else in the world he wanted more.

He stopped in front of the bathroom mirror and stared for a moment at his pale face. He lifted his hands to his cheeks, touched the dark circles around his red rimmed eyes, listened to the quiet whirring sound his eyes made while focusing. His fingers moved on to the ugly brand mark Mama had left on his forehead. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and covered his image in the mirror with his hands. He could not stand looking at himself for longer. It still reminded him too much of the pain and the fear and the feeling of being at her mercy. 

He took his eyedrops and went back to his computer. He had work to do, but he knew he would not be able to concentrate if he didn’t know how Matt was doing. He would just take a glimpse at him. If Matt was doing anything that required privacy he’d switch away.

Matt was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceilingand just seeing him there made Techie’s eyes stop stinging and his breathing become deeper. He was so beautiful, stretched out like that. 

“Please”, Matt said and Techie jumped. But Matt wasn’t looking at the camera of course. He was looking at his data-pad. “Play that song for me once more.”  
Techie swallowed hard. It felt as if Matt was talking to him. His heartbeat accelerated.

“I love it so much, but I can’t find it”, Matt said. 

Techie’s thoughts were rushing. If he did what Matt asked for, he might start to guess there was someone watching him. On the other hand, Matt looked so downcast, Techie wanted to do for him what he could. In the end it was the pleading look of Matt’s dark eyes that decided it for him.   
Matt sat up when the first chords of “Sound of Silence” filled the room. He smiled and Techie’s heart sang. He stayed with him while Matt listened to the song and afterwards, he made a decision. He would make sure General Hux could not hurt Matt. He would find a way. Everyone had a weak spot, he just needed to find it.

He got to work and when he finally found something it was so much more than he could have asked for. It left him a little shaken, but excited at the same time.   
Techie kept quiet in the cycles that followed and even though it was difficult, he didn’t do anything for Matt. Playing the song for him had been a risk and he didn’t want to ruin everything. He was aware that Matt couldn’t know he was watching him more and more often. He needed to keep him in the dark about this.   
What had Techie deeply worried was that Matt had taken up the habit of visiting the airlock more and more often. Sometimes he stood in front of it for a while, watching trash being disposed of and he seemed fascinated. It always made Techie sick to his stomach to see that. 

Then one day Matt was walking down one of the endless corridors and Techie was following him, switching from one camera to the next, when Fowler and two other guys appeared in front of him. Matt hesitated for a moment, then he just walked on, gaze downcast, shoulders tensing. Fowler had been constantly provoking him in the past few days, trying to get a rise out of him and Matt had become more and more furious. Techie had seen him destroy two punching bags in the gym. It wasn’t a good idea to provoke him just now. Matt was about to explode, as Techie well knew.

“It’s the ship’s very own virgin”, Fowler drawled, him and his goons blocking the way for Matt. “How are you feeling today, Matt? Still not getting laid?”

“Just let me pass, Fowler”, Matt said, jaw clenching. 

Techie was biting his nails. He wanted Matt to walk away from this so much. Then he saw something that alarmed him. Fowler shot a look at the security camera. He was planning something. 

“Why so unfriendly?” Fowler asked, backing away. They were luring Matt away from the camera. Techie knew that there were a few meters in this gangway without surveillance.

“Careful, Matt”, he whispered. “Please walk away in the other direction.”

But Matt, oblivious to what was happening followed the others. “Just let me pass”, he said, disappearing from Techie’s view and hearing range.

He switched to the next camera, but that only showed him an empty stretch of corridor. Should he start the alarm again? 

The next moment Fowler and the two others ran past his camera and Matt was following right behind. Techie hadn’t heard what they had said to him, but Matt looked furious, ready to kill. It must have been really bad, if it had riled Matt up like this. If nothing happened, Matt would catch up with them, give at least one of them a severe beating and end up in a holding cell once again, if not worse. And he assumed that was just what they wanted.

Without really thinking he started typing lightning fast and a security gate shot closed behind them. Matt hit the gate in full swing and fell backwards on the hard floor. Techie winced. 

Matt slowly sat up, rubbing his left shoulder and staring at the gate in confusion. For a few moments he just sat there, contemplating. Then he looked up at the camera and directly at Techie. “Is there someone out there?” he asked quietly. “Please tell me.”

Techie was so astounded, he almost hit disconnect, but realised in time that wouldn’t make a difference. Matt couldn’t see him. Still he moved away from the screen, covering his face with his hands.

Matt crawled to the wall and leaned against it. “I’m imagining it, right?” he said. “It would be so beautiful if all those little coincidences were in fact someone watching over me.” Techie could see him swallowing hard. “But that’s stupid.” He hit his fist against the wall. “I’m alone. As always.” And to Techie’s horror he hid his face in his hands and his shoulders started shaking. Was he crying?

After a while Matt staggered to his feet and slowly made his way in the direction of the airlock. Techie knew he would not be able to stand seeing Matt there right now. He hacked the nearest loudspeaker. “Where are you going?” he asked, his voice squeaky.

Matt froze, his eyes widening. “To … to my room”, he said, looking around.

“Oh.” Techie was so relieved he almost cried. “I thought you were going to that airlock again.”

“You know I sometimes visit the airlock?” Matt stood completely still, as if he was scared to chase Techie’s voice away if he moved. “How?”

“I … I’m sorry.” Techie tried to swallow but his throat was too tight. “I watch you sometimes.”

Matt would hate him. Hate him.

“Did you do those things for me?” Matt asked. “Did you play the song, make my warm water run longer and close that gate just now?”

“Yes”, Techie felt close to fainting. “But I never watch you in your room. Almost never. Please believe me.”

“I believe you.” Matt started slowly turning in place again. “I asked you so often to play that song for me. You heard me only once.” There was a little smile on his lips now and Techie’s hands were shaking. He felt as if there wasn’t enough oxygen in his room. 

“Who are you?” Matt asked.

“Oh.” Techie closed his eyes, grabbing the armrests of his seat. “I’m no one.”

“How can you be no one if you’re talking to me right now?” Matt grinned. “You must be somebody.”

“Yes. But you would never want to see me.”

“Oh, but I want to. So much.”

“It’s not possible.” Techie felt panic rise inside of him like a poisonous snake.

“Are you on this ship?”

Techie didn’t answer. He couldn’t.

Matt waited, looking around. His gaze became worried. “Hey! It’s okay if I can’t see you. Please keep talking to me.”

“O-okay.”

“Your voice sounds so sweet. What can I call you?”

Techie’s panic slowly subsided, making room for a warm fuzzy feeling. Matt liked his voice. “Techie”, he said. “You can call me Techie.”

“That sounds beautiful. I’m Matt, but you know that already.”

“Yes.”

“Please tell me if I ever offend you. I always offend people and I don’t want to scare you away. Ever.”

Techie would have cried if he’d still been able to. “That won’t happen with me”, he said, his voice hoarse. “I won’t go away.”

Matt closed his eyes. “Thank you.”

*  
Matt was lying on his bed and Techie was leaning back in his chair. They’d only been talking for three cycles but already they had fallen into a kind of routine. After Matt’s shift Techie would always take a long break and log into the camera in Matt’s room. He modified the data so that Matt could feed his porg and then they talked for a while. Those moments meant everything to Techie. He still could not believe that Matt knew about his existence now and in a way, it still frightened him. But at the same time, he felt joyful like he had never before in his life. 

“Why me?” Matt asked, looking up at the camera. He was stretched out on the bed, wearing only boxers and an undershirt. Techie knew already how much Matt liked to be comfortable. He was a little bit like a cat that way. One more thing Techie loved about him. “I mean there are so many others on this ship. I can’t believe you chose me above all of them.”

“I don’t really know”, Techie said. The truth was he had been hit by a jolt of lightning when he first saw Matt. It had been by accident while he had been hacking into random security cameras. Matt was the first person he had felt interested in in this way. Maybe it was the way he stood up for himself, how he never backed down. Or his strong body combined with his warm brown eyes. He had been mesmerized by Matt from the beginning, but he wasn’t sure if that might freak Matt out. “I just started to like you.”

“No one has ever liked me before.” Matt said. He sat up a little. “Haven’t I ever done anything inappropriate while you were watching?”

Techie felt his cheeks warm. “No! No, of course not.”

“I mean, I constantly offend people and get into trouble.” Matt’s hands were playing with the bedsheet. “They say I have no control. Doesn’t that bother you?”  
“I saw that you were just defending yourself. It’s good if people are willing to do that. You’re never aggressive towards people who treat you in a decent way.”  
“True.” Matt lay back on the bed. “I’ve always had anger issues. Since I was a little boy. I hardly had any family, you know? I stayed with a great-uncle of mine.”  
“Did he treat you well?”

“He was alright, but I still felt lonely and out of place. Didn’t change when I joined the First Order. I hoped it would. Where are you from, Techie?”

“I … I was a slave.” Techie rubbed his irritated eyes. “My life before this was terrible. I’m glad the First Order sat me free.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” There was such warmth in Matt’s voice, Techie felt close to crying once again.

“Hey Techie, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“I know you don’t want me to see you and that’s okay. But why? Can you give me a reason?”

“I … I can’t.”

“I don’t care if you’re not human. At this point I wouldn’t care if you had tentacles in your face, you know that?”

Techie laughed quietly.

“I mean it. No one has ever been this kind to me. And you sound so sweet…”

“Matt … I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say you’re sorry, Techie. I really only want to look you in the eyes right now, tell you how thankful I am.”

Techie froze.

“Techie?” Matt sat up. “Are you still there?”

“Yes. I … I don’t have eyes.” His voice sounded leaden and he felt ice-cold all of a sudden. 

“Oh”, Matt said. “Techie, I don’t care! Remember what I said. I…”

Techie pressed the button to disconnect. Why was he doing this to himself? And to Matt? He had known Matt would be disappointed if he ever met him and now, he had proof. They said the eyes were the mirrors of the soul. Mama had ripped that away from him. 

And even if it wasn’t for his eyes, he would still be a freak. There was no way anyone could ever like the way he looked and moved and behaved. He crept over to his bed and pulled the blankets over himself. He was always cold, and nothing was able to get him warm except watching Matt. 

Matt, whom he had just left hanging. What if he was on his way to the airlock right now?

Despite his feelings of self-loathing, Techie could not stand that thought. Wrapped in the covers he stalked over to his computer and logged in again.  
“I really shouldn’t have said that.” Matt was very close to the camera, his beautiful eyes full of regret. “I could not care less what you look like, okay? Please say something!”

“Have you been talking all this time?” Techie asked, amazed.

The relief was obvious in Matt’s features. His whole body relaxed. “Of course! I was so afraid you had left forever.”

“No”, Techie said. “It’s just that I … hate the way I look. Everything about it. I don’t ever want you to see me.”

“Alright.” Matt stretched one hand out to the camera and Techie wished he could take it. “I know what that feels like. I’m ugly myself.”

Techie laughed. “No, you’re not. You’re beautiful.”

“You sound as if you mean that.”

“Oh Matt, I do.”

“Thank you. It’s nice to hear that. Even though I can’t believe it.” He shrugged. “But looks aren’t everything, of course. To me it’s more important what people are like. How they treat others.”

“Really?” Techie asked, a flicker of hope in his voice.

“Oh yes.” Matt smiled. “Beauty that comes from the inside lasts forever, right?”

“Perhaps.” Techie felt his heart warm. “I … I need to start working now, Matt. See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow.” Matt reached for the camera with one hand and Techie was quite sure he gave it a little comforting stroke.

*

“How did you adopt Prudence?” Techie asked, leaning back in his chair and watching Matt feed his porg leftovers from his lunch.  
“As a matter of fact, she adopted me”, Matt explained. “One evening she kept scratching at the grid of my air-well and when I screwed it open, she climbed on my arm, right up to my shoulder. I think she would have stayed there if I had let her.”

“You’re lucky no one has discovered her yet.”

“I know. But it’s nice to have her to look forward to.” Prudence scrambled up the air-well again and Matt turned around. “Of course, now I also have you to look forward to every night.”

“Matt?”

“Hm?” Mat opened his work overall and stepped out of it. With a little moan of pleasure, he stretched out on the bed. 

Techie had to swallow hard before he was able to continue. “I … I have to tell you something. I hope you won’t hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Techie. And I don’t think you’re capable of evil things.” Matt wriggled a little on the bed, getting comfortable.

“Oh yes I am.” Techie’s voice was husky. “I did something terrible to you.”

“To me?” Matt froze and looked up at the camera.

Techie had been contemplating for a long time whether he should tell Matt and risk their friendship. But it weighed on his conscience so hard, he didn’t really have a choice.

“Do you remember the time Fowler and his gang assaulted you in the showers? When you were hurt?”

“Of course, I remember”, Matt said. “You played our song for me that night.”

Our song. Techie’s heart skipped a beat when Matt said that.

“Do you remember what you did afterwards?”

“Afterwards?” Matt frowned. “No, I don’t think I …” He raised his eyebrows. “Oh! You mean… oh…” He sat up on the bed. “Techie did you see that?”

“I did.” Techie’s throat felt so tight he could hardly speak.

Matt was bright red now, all the way down his throat. He covered his face with his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Matt…”

“Did you see all of it? I’m so sorry, Techie. I knew I had done something inappropriate.”

“Matt you don’t have to be sorry!” Techie hurried to say. “I’m the intruder here. I’m the one who should be sorry. I violated your privacy.”

Matt was silent for a moment. “I guess you could say that”, he finally managed to get out, still not lifting his face. “Was it … was it awful?”

“No! Matt, no! It was…” Techie hesitated, unable to continue.

“What?” Matt asked. “What was it?”

“I liked watching you. That’s why I could not log out.”

“You liked watching?” Matt sounded so doubtful, Techie wasn’t that afraid anymore. He just wanted to reassure Matt.

“Yes. It was beautiful. And I … I felt amazing. Weird, but amazing. I never felt like that before.”

“What did you feel?” Matt finally lifted his face. He was still dark red, but didn’t look so shocked anymore.

“Warm and a little dizzy. And as if there were a million stars under my skin. Everywhere. The best feeling, I ever had.”

“You felt aroused?”

“Maybe. I don’t know what that feels like.”

“You mean you’ve never been aroused?” Matt sounded almost worried.

“Not before that time, no. I’ve never been with anyone before.”

“Have you never wanted to?”

Techie shook his head. “I never even thought about it. At Peachtree where I was kept there was so much pain and fear and terror…”

“Oh no.” Matt looked as if someone had hurt him. “Techie…”

“I’m alright now.” Techie’s hands were shaking a little, his throat dry. He never wanted Matt to feel bad but knowing he had sympathy for him also felt so good. “Don’t worry, Matt. I’m here now.”

Matt lay back on the bed and was quiet for a few moments. “I want to tell you something Techie, but please promise not to leave again.”

“What is it?”

“Seeing you isn’t even that important to me anymore. I just wish I could touch you. Hold you. I want that so much. I’m sorry, but I can’t help it.”

Techie’s eyes burned as they always did when he felt like crying. No comforting tears came. “I’m sorry, Matt. I wish you could.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for any comments and kudos! It's really encouraging to get some feedback for this couple.  
And thanks to @senema for the beta!


	4. Just Wrap Me Up in Chains

Techie sat up in his bed, panting. For a moment he was confused, because there was no pain, no burning in his eyes and he didn’t feel panicked, even though his heart was beating wildly. Instead of scared he felt warm and weird, but wonderful at the same time. And then he remembered that Matt had been in his dream. No knives, no syringes, no tools coming for his eyes. Just Matt right next to him, holding him and caressing him softly. He closed his eyes with a sigh and tried to get back into that memory. Matt’s hands warm on his arms and shoulders, his strong body next to Techie’s, his hair tickling Techie’s cheek. It had been so real, so amazing.

“Matt…” he whispered. And in that moment his yearning for Matt became so strong, he had to see him right now. 

Matt’s shift had already started, so Techie wasn’t sure where he was right now. He had to check several cameras, before he found him, kneeling on the floor, leaning over an open space in the wall, several cables leaking out. 

“Matt?” he whispered, using the loudspeaker next to him. He had to talk quietly, because otherwise his voice would be heard on the whole gangway.  
“Techie?” Matt looked up and smiled. “Hey, are you up already?”

Techie visited Matt quite often during his working hours now, so Matt wasn’t surprised. He had also told Techie that he always imagined Techie was watching him now, because it calmed him. And it seemed to be working, because Matt hadn’t let anyone provoke him since they had started talking. No fits of rage, no fights. He kept a low profile now and Techie was extremely proud of him.

“Yes. Matt, you were in my dream!” 

“Was I?” Matt smiled. “I hope I behaved well.”

“Yes, you … you held me in your arms.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

“It was. Matt, did you know that could happen? That I could dream about you like that?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have dared to hope it, but I knew it was possible, of course. Why?”

“I didn’t know you could dream of good things.”

Matt let his tools sink to the ground and looked up to the camera. He seemed a little pale. “What?”

“I just didn’t know. It never happened to me before.”

“You never had a good dream?”

“No! And it was … it was so lovely, Matt.”

“Oh Techie.” Matt sat down on the floor and leant his back against the wall. “I’m so sorry.” He looked wretched.

“But I had a good dream now. At last.”

“Yes. And you deserve only the best dreams. I never want you to have nightmares again.”

Techie shivered. “That would be good.”

“Techie?”

“Yes?”

“Is there anything you want? Anything I can do for you?”

“You’re talking to me. You’re sweet to me. That’s all I want.”

“There must be more. Don’t you have any wishes?”

“No. Really, no.”

“Don’t you want to leave this ship someday?”

“Why? I feel safe here.”

“To see the outside world. Learn what grass feels like or sand. What it’s like to hike in a forest, swim in a lake.”

“That sounds nice.” Techie smiled. “But I don’t think I’ll ever leave this ship.”

“We could ask for shore leave together one day. Take a holiday.”

“Matt…”

“I know Techie. I know. You don’t want me to see you. I won’t talk of it again, okay?”

“No Matt, I…” Techie wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, but after his dream his desire to touch Matt one day had grown even more. “Maybe someday…”

There was commotion in the hallway and Techie quickly fell silent. Matt had turned back to his panel, when a group of stormtroopers turned the corner. They stopped right in front of Matt. It happened so fast, Techie hardly realized what was going on. Two grabbed his arms and turned him around and a third one threw a punch at him that made Matt’s head slam hard against the durasteel wall. Techie moaned when he saw blood, leaking from a cut to his temple.

Matt looked up at the camera and shook his head, telling Techie not to do anything. But he had to, of course he had to. What were they doing to Matt? He had done nothing wrong this time. Techie screamed internally and his hands were shaking so hard he wasn’t even able to type. He brought his hands up to his temples and watched the scene in horror. “No no no … Matt!”

It took a few moments until he had calmed down enough to be able to switch cameras. He followed the group of stormtroopers to the holding cells and watched when Matt was thrown into one of them, the door sliding shut behind him. Of course, there was a camera in the cell, so Techie was able to see Matt slide down the wall until he was seated on the ground and bury his head in his arms. Then he looked up at the camera. “Techie”, he said. “If you’re watching, please don’t do anything stupid. I don’t want them to hurt you, okay? I can deal with this. I’m sure I’ll be alright. Just stay put and don’t get into trouble.”

There was no loudspeaker in the cell, so Techie was unable to answer, but he clenched his fists in despair. There was a sound coming from the door and Matt struggled to get up. Techie switched to the camera in front of the cell and saw Fowler, looking through the transparysteel window of Matt’s cell, grinning and shaking his head. “Finally, we have you, Matt”, he said. “You won’t get out this time. There were enough witnesses who saw what you did.”

“I didn’t do anything, and you know it. You’re trying to set me up.”

“Denying it won’t be of any use. You almost killed Gerron with a screwdriver to his temple. He’s still in recovery.”

Matt walked up to the window, fists tight. “I wasn’t even near Gerron. And I wouldn’t hurt him. What did you do to him, you crazy asshole?”

“As I said, there were enough witnesses. And Gerron will testify that it was you when he wakes up.”

“Because you’re threatening him.”

“General Hux has had enough of your antics. His patience has worn thin. Peavey already confirmed you’re going out the airlock this time.”

Matt took a step back. “No.”

“Oh yes, Matt.” Fowler’s grin became wolfish. “Better say good-bye to this world.”

Techie felt the ground slip away from underneath his feat. He had never felt so frightened in his life, not even when Mama had come for his eyes. He knew he was hyperventilating, but he could not help it. Panic took control of him and he crouched into a tiny ball, hands scratching at his scars like mad. Everything hurt and he felt as if he wanted to rip his eyes out, because they burned like fire. He moaned like a wounded animal. 

Matt.

He needed to help him.

He had to snap out of this, because Matt needed him.

His hands reached for one of the wire animals and he bent the copper thread in his hands. There was something he could do. He wasn’t completely helpless. He had prepared for this scenario. 

Breathe. He needed to breathe.

To help Matt he had to leave his room and that terrified him to no end. But he had to do it. He needed to. There was no other choice. He slowly got up.

At first his legs didn’t obey him, and he stalked to the door like a new-born foal that made its first steps on this earth. His guts churned at the thought of leaving these chambers that had protected him and kept him away from everything and everyone. Anxiety made him shiver and he felt so sick when his door slid open, he was afraid he might throw up. But there was nothing in his stomach and he made it down the empty corridor, supporting himself against the wall when he needed to. He knew the way of course. He knew the layout of the ship by heart, just as he knew all the places where security cameras or microphones were installed, just as he knew everything about the computer system.

Still it was different to be out here, and he was still shaking. He encountered a few stormtroopers and technicians and most of them stared at him, a little irritated, but no one asked questions or held him up. 

In one of the elevators he was almost overtaken by a panic attack and for a few moments he pressed against the wall, covering his face and trying to breathe steadily. But remembering how much Matt needed him, helped him calm down and he got off with wobbly knees.

Finally standing in front of the general’s quarters he almost couldn’t press the button to demand entrance, because his hands were shaking so hard.

He had to wait for a long time, feeling more and more faint.

The door in front of him finally slid open and he stalked inside, eyes cast to the ground. The first thing he saw when he lifted his gaze was Kylo Ren, standing at the observation panel with an amazing view of the galaxy with its countless dots of tiny lights.

The Supreme Leader, tall, saturnine and terrifying. An embodiment of darkness. And still he had been the one to free Techie, to read his mind and tell Hux to keep him for his skills. Anyone else would have felt intimidated by his presence, but Techie felt reassured. He took a deep breath.

“What is it?” Hux asked and Techie looked over to him. “Techie? What are you doing here?”

“I…I…” Techie was annoyed at himself for stuttering, but he couldn’t help it. “I f-found something that mi-might interest you.” He bit his lip. “C-can I show you?”  
“You left your room for that?” Hux raised an eyebrow. “Then it must be important.”

“It is. C-can I use your datapad?”

Hux handed it over, glancing at Kylo Ren. Techie’s fingers were still shaking so much he almost couldn’t get through with his task. Finally, the pictures he had been looking for emerged. 

It was still strange to see them, even though he knew them by now. 

Hux only stared for a moment, frozen to the spot. “Kylo”, he finally got out, but Kylo was already on his way over. And a moment later he too looked at the pictures: 

Hux naked in his arms, his head thrown back in pleasure. Kylo Ren kneeling in front of the general, hands on his hips, gazing up at him in awe, Hux’s hand buried in Ren’s hair. Both of them kissing, lost to the world, Kylo pulling the other man close.

It wasn’t sex what they saw here. Or it wasn’t only sex. And Techie knew that was probably what made Hux falter. Kylo put a hand on his shoulder.  
“Where did you find this?” Hux asked, his voice full of venom.

“The darknet”, Techie said. “There are numerous copies, but I can get them all. D-destroy them.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I know how to follow their path.”

Hux nodded. “Do it. Immediately.”

Techie tried to speak, but there was no air in his lungs. He tried again, almost choking. “I want something in return.”

“In return?” Hux looked at him, eyes flashing. “Are you blackmailing me?”

“N-no.” Techie shook his head. “I would do anything for you, general. Anything you need. I always have. I just need you to free Matt, the Radar technician.” Techie sank to his knees, not even sure himself if his legs gave way of if he was pleading. “Please.”

“Why?” Hux frowned, looking down at him.

“He loves him.” Kylo said. 

“Loves him? That guy?” 

“Can’t you see?” Kylo asked.

“I don’t believe it.” 

“Love sometimes exists in the strangest places. And you can’t choose who you fall for.”

Hux uttered an exasperated sigh. “You don’t need to tell me that.” He looked down at Techie, his expression grim. “I need to be sure he’s on our side. Read him.”  
“Hux, he’s traumatized. A reading could hurt him.”

“I don’t care, and neither should you. You saw those pictures, Kylo. We’re done for if they get out. No one can know about us.”

“Apparently people do.”

“We can’t risk letting him stay alive if he might betray us.”

Kylo nodded. He took Techie’s arm and pulled him up. To Techie’s surprise he led him to a black sofa in front of the observation panel and let him sit down.  
“I won’t hurt you”, he said. “You won’t have to go through those memories again. I saw them.”

Techie nodded. If this was what it took to help Matt, he would gladly do it.

Kylo Ren put a gloved hand to his forehead and Techie closed his eyes. The first time Ren had done this he had been overtaken by his worst memories, reduced to a shivering ball of fear and shame. He expected the same this time and clenched his jaw.

But this time there was only Matt, smiling at him, telling him his voice sounded sweet, feeding Prudence while looking up at the camera – at him. There were dimples in his cheeks and his eyes had that warm glow. “Matt”, Techie whispered, his heart aching for him.

“Do it, Hux.” Kylo said and let his hand sink. “Let the Radar technician go. Techie will be forever grateful. He won’t betray you. And I told you, his hacking skills are unmatched.”

“The radar technician is a menace to my ship”, Hux said, crossing his arms. “He assaulted an innocent man.”

Kylo shook his head. “Techie knows that others set him up. He could prove it to you, but there’s no need. I saw it in his mind.”

“I see.” Hux frowned. “I suspected something like that. Fowler will have to go, of course. I don’t need schemers on my ship.”

“Except for yourself, of course.” Kylo said.

“Of course.” Hux took a step towards Techie. “Very well. Get rid of those pictures now and then your weird technician is free.”

Techie worked as fast as he could, because he didn’t want Matt to have to stay in his cell for a minute more than necessary. Still it took two hours to track down all the copies. 

“We need to be more careful in the future”, Hux said. “Someone hacked into our cameras.”

“I put up a new security system for your rooms”, Techie said. “It won’t happen again.”

“Well done.” Hux folded his arms and turned to face the observation panel. “I don’t need to tell you you’re never going to talk about this with anyone. Get your mad technician now.”

“I’ll take you to him”, Ren said, and Techie was glad for the offer. His eyes were burning like fire and he could hardly see, and he felt exhausted. But he could not let Matt wait a minute longer.

He followed Kylo down the corridors but the closer they got to prison bay, the more desperate he felt. Until finally he stopped. “I can’t” he said, leaning against the wall. 

“What is it?” Kylo asked.

“I can’t let Matt see me. He’s going to be shocked.”

“Why should he?”

“Just look at my eyes, my face, my scars. Everything about me. I don’t even look human anymore.”

Techie heard Kylo take a step closer to him. “All I see when I look at you Techie is a brave young man. And I’m sure Matt will see the same.”

“Brave?” Techie almost laughed. “I’m not brave.”

“You survived. In your case that’s bravery. And you risked everything just now to save the man you love.”

Techie shook his head. “I’m frightened all the time. Every minute, every hour.”

“Truly courageous men are not those who are never afraid, but those who prevail despite their fears. My uncle used to say that.” Kylo’s voice sounded painful.  
“Oh”, Techie swallowed hard. 

“Come on”, Kylo said. “You don’t want to make Matt wait any longer, right?”


	5. Stay With Me

Techie was clenching his fists when he stood in front of the door that led to Matt’s cell. He could see him through the small window, but Matt hadn’t noticed him and Kylo yet. He was crouched on the ground, head leaning against the wall.

“Ready?” Kylo asked.

Techie felt as if he was about to be put out of an airlock, but he nodded. He needed Matt out of that cell. Even if he never spoke to him again afterwards.  
Matt looked up when the door of his cell swished open and staggered to his feet. His eyes were fixed on Techie.

“You’re free to go”, Kylo said, but Matt didn’t seem to hear him, still staring at Techie.

“Techie?”

Techie nodded, unable to utter a word.

“You lied to me.” Matt’s words were barely audible.

Techie felt his insides twist into knots. “No Matt. I didn’t. I told you, I…” He turned his face away.

“You said you were ugly”, Matt said, still frozen to the spot. “You … you’re beautiful.”

Techie hid his face in his hands, eyes burning as if someone had poured salt into them. “No…”

He heard Matt come closer and knew that he was in front of him now. He could feel his presence, smell a faint odour of machine oil, sweat and something wonderful that must be Matt’s very own scent. 

“Your hair is lovely. Your face, your eyes…”

Techie let his hands sink but didn’t look up. “They’re not mine.”

“They belong to you now, don’t they? They’re so blue, like crystals.”

“You think so?” He lifted his gaze.

“So sweet”, Matt said. “Just like your voice.” He hesitated when Techie didn’t react at all. “Do you … do you still like me from up close?” He asked, taking a step back. “I know I smell, and I told you I’m not much to look at, so…”

“Oh Matt” Techie lifted a hand towards his face. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

Matt’s whole body relaxed. “Can I … can I hug you?”

“Of course.”

And a moment later Techie was in Matt’s arms and his embrace was so warm and wonderful his mind almost shut down. He forgot where they were, forgot who was with them and pressed his face to Matt’s shoulder, inhaling his wonderful scent. 

“Maybe you two should go to your room now”, Kylo said.

“Don’t I have to get back to work?” Matt asked.

Kylo shook his head. “Not this cycle. Take it as a kind of excuse for being held in here wrongly. Go on. Get him out of here. You two deserve a little rest. I’ll talk to Hux.”

He didn’t have to say it twice.

*

“So, you saved me”, Matt said when they were in his room together. He had held Techie’s hand all the way here from prison bay and Techie had told him what had happened in as few words as possible. “Thank you”, he hugged him again and Techie thought that he did not mind just staying like this forever. Being wrapped in Matt’s embrace was the best thing he had ever felt. Matt held him close with one arm and his other hand was gently stroking Techie’s hair. He basked in the attention.

“What kind of compromising photos of the general did you find?” Matt asked.

“I’m sorry, I can’t tell. I promised.”

“Alright, I don’t really care as long as we are both safe.”

“We are.”

“Techie?”

“Hm?”

Matt kissed his forehead. “Do you want to lie down?”

Techie shook his head. “I want to stay with you. Like this.”

Matt swallowed. “I’d lay down with you of course.”

“Oh”, Techie looked up at him and smiled. “I’d like that.

Nothing Techie had experienced in his life compared to snuggling on the bed with Matt. He was on his side and Matt was spooning him, still hugging him tight. Techie could feel his breath on his cheek, and he felt so warm and protected. If he had known that this was waiting for him, he would not have been desperate and hopeless so often. He took one of Matt’s hands and kissed his palm. Matt shivered behind him. 

They had been lying like this for a while and Matt did not seem completely at ease. He kept shifting, even moving away from Techie, who wanted to feel as much of Matt as possible and his breathing had become a little heavier.

“What’s the matter?” Techie asked. “Is this too close for you?”

“No”, Matt said. “Not at all. It’s just that…”

“What, Matt?” Techie turned his head to face him, feeling a little worried. 

“I’m sorry, Techie, but you … you turn me on. I can’t help it.” 

“I do?” Techie could not have been more surprised if Matt had told him he enjoyed being trampled on by Tauntauns.

“Of course. I’ve dreamed of being with you for so long. But don’t let it bother you. I can deal with it. I just don’t want to offend you.”

“You’re not.” Techie turned around in Matt’s arms to face him. “It … it makes me a little proud.”

“But you don’t feel the same way?”

“I feel wonderful.”

“That’s good then.” Matt seemed relieved. “Do you like it when I touch you?”

Techie took a deep breath. “I do. I'd like it if you kissed me, too.”

And then Matt’s full lips were on his and Techie felt an electric shock run through his body. He moaned and pressed closer to Matt. Matt still kept his hips away from him though, but Techie felt too good to even think about that, because Matt’s hands were under his shirt now, gently stroking his skin and it was almost too much sensation. Techie gasped for air when Matt touched his nipples. He hadn’t even known they were this sensitive. Matt was still kissing him, and he grabbed his shirt, holding on for dear life, because it was all becoming a bit much.

Matt was kissing down his neck now, his shoulders, pushed up his shirt to scatter burning little kisses on his torso.

And then he felt it again. That incredible heat that seeped through his body, starting in his groin and moving up his spine, making him crane his neck and whimper. It felt a little like being in pain, only that nothing hurt. It was just the same intensity. There was a kind of pressure below his navel that turned into white hot heat and then there really was pain, because he was becoming so hard it hurt. He was panting now, completely taken by surprise by the reactions of his body. In years he had not felt anything close to arousal and suddenly he felt everything at once. 

He moved forward and pressed against Matt’s thigh, looking for relief and felt that Matt was as hard as himself. Realizing that made him see stars. Something needed to happen. Quick. Or he was going to explode.

“I think you turn me on, too”, he gasped.

“Can I give it to you?” Matt’s voice shivered.

“Give me what?” Techie moaned.

“Make you come, baby. I think you need it.”

“Okay”, Techie closed his eyes and moaned. He had no idea what Matt was going to do to him, but he desperately hoped it involved touching him down there, because everything inside of him was screaming for Matt’s touch now. It was weird and a little frightening but also earth-shatteringly wonderful.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

“Never.”

He bucked his hips and finally … finally there was Matt’s hand on his groin, and he cried out, because it felt so good. 

“Just a moment…” Matt fumbled to open his pants and then he held his dick in his hand and Techie thought he was going to implode. Thank the stars Matt knew exactly what to do. He held him tight and pumped him in a rhythm that made Techie grab the bed sheets and arch his spine. His heart was beating in his chest like a drum and he could not get enough air into his lungs and he was moaning…

And then his body went rigid and he was out in the galaxy, floating free, pleasure running through every nerve in his body and he hollered Matt’s name.   
Then Matt was kissing him oh so sweetly and he slowly came down from his high. 

“Easy, baby”, Matt whispered, gently wiping a strand of hair from his face. “I’m here.”

Techie felt as if he never wanted to leave this bed. And he never wanted Matt to stop touching him. “That was … oh stars that was so good.” He closed his eyes. “It felt like flying.”

“Was that really your first?” Matt sounded almost devout. “Your first orgasm?”

“Yeah”, Techie smiled faintly. “If I’d known there was something like this, I would have tried everything to get there, of course.”

“Glad I was able to help.” Matt kissed his temple. 

“What about you?” Techie asked, his eyes whirring when they focused on Matt. “Do you want an orgasm, too?”

“Don’t worry about that now. You look so tired, baby.”

“But it hurts if you don’t…”

Matt kissed him once more. “Go to sleep. I’ll take care of it later.”

“I could…” Techie didn’t even finish the sentence anymore. He just slipped away.

When he awoke, he felt calmer and more relaxed than he ever had. The bed smelled like Matt and it made him smile. No nightmares. No jerking awake. No fearing this cycle before it even began.

Matt stepped out of the fresher, a towel around his hips and smiled at Techie. “You’re awake. I thought you’d sleep longer after what you’ve been through.” He sat down on the bed next to Techie, taking care that his still wet hair didn’t drip water on the sheets. “Would you believe it? A droid brought us breakfast. That never happened to me before.”

“It’s because I never left my room.” Techie lifted one hand to play with Matt’s hair. He couldn’t believe he was allowed to do this now.

“Oh, I see. You must be really hungry.”

Techie shook his head. “Not right now.” He sat up and pressed closer to Matt, hugging his arms around his body that felt warm from the showers. He buried his face in the crave of Matt’s neck to find that wonderful smell again and there it was.

“Oh”, Matt whispered. Techie could feel him swallowing. “Do you have something else in mind?”

Techie nodded. “I want to make you come.”

“That’s so sweet of you, baby.” Matt’s voice was raspy. “But please don’t think you have to. This is lovely, but it’s not the most important thing for me.”  
“What do you mean?” Techie pressed closer to Matt, his hands stroking his muscular stomach, wandering down to his thighs.

“I mean… stars, Techie…” He moaned quietly. “I forgot what I wanted to say.”

“You don’t have to talk. Just lie down.”

“Okay, but … I want you to know we can take this slow.”

“I’ll try to be slow”; Techie said, who was so eager to do to Matt what he had done to him last night, he could hardly wait. “Slow kisses.” He pressed one of them to Matt’s neck and Matt finally closed his eyes and stopped talking. 

It was convenient that Matt was already naked and when Techie straddled his hips, he noticed that he was also hard underneath his towel. What a marvel that he was allowed to be here, allowed to bow down and kiss every inch of Matt’s amazing body. He still couldn’t believe this wasn’t a dream. But he had fought so hard for this and this felt like the most valuable reward he could ever get. Matt moaned and Techie could not believe he was able to do this to him. All his life he had felt worthless, more like a piece of trash than a human being, but when he felt Matt shiver and writhe underneath him it made him feel powerful and alive.   
“It’s so good, Techie…” Matt groaned. “So good…”

Techie had no experience at all, but for once in his life he didn’t feel helpless and at a loss. It was so obvious this was wonderful for Matt, that he didn’t even doubt himself. He just kept doing what he wanted to do, kiss the crevice of his neck, lick his nipples, dip his tongue into his navel. Matt bucked his hips and the towel slid off. Techie bit his lip when he saw how big Matt was. Much bigger than himself. It was a little breath-taking when he wrapped his slender fingers around Matt’s cock and felt it pulsating under his skin. 

“Oh…” Matt grabbed at the sheets. “Techie.” It sounded almost as if he was in pain and that reminded Techie how he had felt a few hours ago. He imitated Matt’s movements with his hand and it seemed to be right, because Matt was melting into the sheets, a look of pure pleasure in his eyes. 

And then Techie bent down, because he needed to taste Matt, needed to know what it was like to lick him there. It was salty and warm and absolutely amazing and Matt went rigid beneath him. Techie knew he was coming when he threw his head back and called his name again and he kept licking him, kept pumping. Matt’s load was impressive. Techie thought he would never stop spurting. 

But finally, he relaxed on the sheets, stretching his legs, still growling. With one hand he pulled Techie up to lay beside him. “Wow”, he mumbled. “That was the best … the absolute best. I never thought it could be that … that perfect. I felt it in every part of my body.”

Techie loved that Matt was so vocal, just like he loved everything else about him. He chuckled and placed light little kisses on his shoulder and chest. He felt elated, almost as good as he had felt after his own orgasm. “We can do it again and again”, he said. “If we want to.”

“Yes.” Matt smiled like a porg that got the bantha milk. “You’re right.” He pulled Techie close, kissing him deeply. Then he looked at him, stroking his hair. “And we can do other things as well.”

“Are there other things?” Techie asked, still a little dizzy from the kiss. 

“Oh, there’s so much more. But we have a lot of time. No need to rush things, baby.”

“Have you done other things before?” Techie asked, curious. His hand was resting on Matt’s stomach, feeling the muscles underneath his touch.

Matt shook his head. “But I’ve watched some stuff. Read stories. I have some ideas.”

“That’s lovely.” Techie said, feeling more courageous than he ever had in his life. “I want to try it all.”

“But the most important thing is that I can hold you in my arms now”, Matt said and when Techie looked up at him, he was glowing with happiness, his dark eyes shining, dimples in his cheeks. Techie had never seen him like this. He hadn’t even known Matt could look this happy. And he could not believe it was because of him.

“How could you ever think you were not beautiful?” Matt asked.

Techie hid his face in Matt’s shoulder. “It’s mostly my scars”, he said. “And my eyes. They remind me of what Mama did to me.” He swallowed hard. “The woman who kept me as a slave. She took them out while I was conscious as punishment.”

He could feel a tremble go through Matt’s body, almost as if he could feel Techie’s pain. And maybe he could. His hands stroking Techie’s body were gentle, protective.

“They hurt all the time”, Techie said. “Burning, itching. I can’t stand looking at myself with those red-rimmed eyes.”

“Techie your eyes are beautiful”, Matt said. “But if they hurt you, maybe something can be done about them aboard this ship. The medical droids are excellent. I know. They’ve often stitched me up. I never felt a thing.”

For the first time in his life Techie managed to think about surgery without freaking out completely. “General Hux recommended surgery when I first came aboard this ship”, he said. “Him and Kylo Ren freed me and brought me here. He said my eyes could get better. That they need not hurt me and that it was possible I could cry tears again. It’s just that I can’t stand the thought of having surgery. Just contemplating it makes me ill.” He swallowed hard.

“That’s totally understandable.” Matt kept stroking his back and shoulders and it was so soothing, Techie started to calm again, his tight muscles relaxing. “No wonder you are traumatized. But this time you would be sedated. You would not feel a thing. And I’d stay with you the whole time.”

“You would?” Techie looked up. 

“Of course!” Matt sounded almost a little offended. “I would not let you go alone through that after all we’ve been through. I’d be there when you fall asleep and when you wake up. Right beside you.”

“Oh”, Techie said. 

Matt kissed his forehead. “Just think about it”, he said. “You don’t need to decide today.”

*  
Techie was shaking like a small twig when he was finally lying on the stretcher that would get him to the surgery room. Matt was still beside him, holding his hand and Techie wished he could have been braver for his sake, because it was clear to see how much Matt was worrying about him. His voice was muffled from the protective mask he was wearing when he tried to comfort him. “It’ll be over before you even notice anything”, he told Techie for the tenth time. But Techie was too glad to hear his voice to care. “Believe me, I’ve been through surgery before. Your eyes will feel so much better afterwards. And they promised you would not feel any pain.”

Techie nodded, unable to speak. He was still not used to being out of his room for too long and the stark white walls on sick bay irritated him. He tried to look only at Matt, but finally the droids entered his room. They did not look threatening, but he still squeezed his eyes shut when the stretcher was set in motion. His eyes had been hurting him more and more in the past weeks, even overshadowing his time with Matt and both Matt and Kylo, who sometimes checked in on him had been trying to persuade him to go through with surgery.

In the end it had been General Hux who had convinced him, when he had walked into his room, poised as always and told him that he was starting not only to ruin his own life but also that of Matt and Kylo Ren who was distracted by worrying about him. And – as Hux had pointed out – this also affected the general’s life which he was no longer willing to accept. 

Finally, Techie had made up his mind, but he had not slept well since he had made that decision. And by now he was kind of glad to get it over with. Nothing could be as bad as his dreams.

A droid was putting a mask over his mouth and told him to count back from ten. His calm demeanour reassured Techie and he started counting. Ten, nine, eight, seven…

The first thing he felt when he awoke was a big, strong hand holding his own. Matt, he thought, and everything was fine. He drifted off again and when he regained consciousness the second time, he could feel Matt stroking the back of his hand. “Techie?” He asked. “Can you hear me?”

Techie wanted to speak, but his throat was too tight. So, he nodded. He wanted to know if it was really over, because it had been so quick, and he had not felt anything. But there was a blindfold over his eyes, and he could not open them, so that probably meant the surgery was over. He felt a wave of relief run through his body and pressed Matt’s hand. 

“You were so brave, baby”, Matt said, leaning down to kiss the back of his hand. “You made it. Now you have to keep that blindfold on for three days and then your eyes will never hurt you again.”

“That’s good”, Techie croaked and then he fell asleep again. 

*

In the three days that followed, Matt only left Techie’s side to get him a drink or feed Prudence or get the tray of food from the droid.

They had moved into Techie’s room together, even before surgery. Not before making sure Prudence could get to them there as well, of course. Techie’s room was more spacious and more removed from the quarters of the other technicians. They had more privacy there. Techie was also glad he did not have to move his wire-figurines which Matt adored. It had only taken them one cycle to move Matt’s stuff over. He did not have many personal belongings. 

At first Techie had hated being so helpless and was sure that it was going to get on Matt’s nerves to tend to him. He had wanted to stay on sick-bay until he was completely fine again, but Matt had insisted he stay in their room. And to Techie’s surprise, Matt seemed to enjoy taking care of him. He fed him, read to him, made him tea, helped him to his chair if he wanted to get up for a while. Techie even wondered whether Matt’s aggressiveness had derived from the frustration of not having anyone to care for, because now all of that was gone. Since they were a couple it was impossible to provoke Matt. He didn’t even seem to hear it when others tried to rile him up. Techie was so relieved about that.

Of course, Matt was also by his side when it was time to remove his blindfold. This time Techie did not mind going to sick-bay that much anymore. He had faced his worst fear and felt like nothing would happen to him here.

“It may be that your vision is a little blurry in the beginning” the calm voice of the medical droid explained. “Don’t worry about that. It will become better soon.”  
Techie nodded. He wasn’t worried. He could already feel that the unbearable itching was gone. That was such an improvement he could live with almost everything.

The lights seemed to bright at first, even thought they had been dimmed. He squeezed his eyes shut and expected them to start burning right away, but instead there was the soothing feeling of liquid covering his irises. 

Tears.

He was able to produce tears again. That made him cry for real and he pressed his palms to his eyes.

“Techie?!” Matt asked, frightened. “What is it? Does it hurt? Is anything wrong?”

Techie shook his head. “I can cry again”, he sobbed, and Matt hugged him, holding him tight until he was able to stop.

After that his vision was indeed blurry and he blinked a few times. It felt so different. As if little grains of sand had been removed from his eyes. He had not even noticed before in how much pain he had constantly been as soon as his eyes were open. 

“This is wonderful Matt”, he whispered. “I feel wonderful. And I could never have done this without you.”

Matt leaned forward to kiss him and Techie knew that he would love his life from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your encouragement during this story! I loved all of your feedback. And thanks for liking this lovely side-pairing as much as I do. They deserve all the love they can get.  
And thanks to @senema for eliminating some really embarassing mistakes :D

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by this wonderful work that you probably know already:  
[**Bait**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19046674)


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